Flying by the seat of our pants

Once upon a time, I thought my family was the most responsible, most reliable and most nerdy family around. But all of that has changed. (Except for the nerdy part.)

Last week at this time, my family and I were in Disney World. We stayed at the park until around 1 a.m., riding Splash Mountain, browsing the gift shops and sitting on Main Street eating cookies. It was our last night, and we wanted to soak it in.

After our long night, we flew home early Saturday morning. Our flight was at 9:30, but we left our hotel at 6:30 because the free shuttle from our hotel required that we leave three hours early. So before the sun was up, we had a pleasant ride to the airport with a bunch of wide-awake, loud children. One of them even sat in the row behind us and threw up. Oh, what a beautiful morning.

When we arrived around 7:30, Tyler checked the monitors and told us our gate. Mom checked as well and mentioned something about two flights to New Orleans and two different gates. I did not pay attention to the details. I just trusted my responsible family members to decide where we needed to go. And I was too busy deciding whether I wanted Au Bon Pain or Starbucks.

We ended up at Gate 128. I soon ventured to Au Bon Pain for breakfast, Kenzie went to Smoothie King, and the boys went to McDonald’s or some equally gross fast food place. We eventually reconvened and made ourselves comfortable. We had two hours to go.

Dad started listening to his Seinfeld comedy CD and laughing to himself, eventually recruiting me to share an ear bud and listen along. Tyler and Kenzie eventually fell asleep.

Around 8:45, Dad casually said that it was strange that a different flight was currently boarding at our gate. We decided our flight must be running behind.

Around 9:20, Mom looked up from checking her email on her phone. She heard an announcement saying our flight had moved to Gate 124. Mom alerted us all to this news, and we moseyed along to Gate 124, wondering why no one else from our gate was moving with us. We assumed they were just taking their time.

When we arrived at Gate 124, we found a new place to camp out. We settled in, and Dad walked over to a Southwest employee and asked when we would board. He looked at Dad, surprised, and said the flight had already boarded.

I imagine this was a tough blow for a man who is always early, always organized, always on top of everything.

Dad rushed back over to us and frantically told us to hustle onto the plane. We grabbed our belongings and scrambled after him, some of us still half asleep. We walked onto a pretty full flight and quickly dispersed to the few remaining seats.

It was a close call, but we made it.

We then had another close call when we landed.

As we were loading our stuff in the car to drive home from the airport, Mom dramatically announced that she left a bag on the plane. She said it was a small bag, and she couldn’t remember what was in it. So the best plan of action was to immediately track it down.

Mom went back into the airport, and Dad followed a minute later. Kenzie, Tyler, Trevor and Aunt Sanny (who had come to the airport to pick us up) then proceeded to drive in circles around the airport for a while. After a surprisingly short period of time, Mom and Dad emerged from the airport, having successfully retrieved Mom’s bag. They hopped in the car, and Dad told us how it happened.

Dad: It’s a good thing I went in to help Mom because she was waiting in the U.S. Airways line, which was not only the wrong airline but also a mile-long line. So I ran to the front of the Southwest line, and they gave me a pass to go through security. I then went to the front of the security line and then I raced to our gate with my shoes in my hand.

He did all of that for a hair dryer and an old pair of shoes, by the way.

Somehow we all made it home, with all of our belongings. 

Fuming

When I arrived home from law school, I felt completely worn out from the semester. I felt like I could nap for days.

But today’s exhaustion surpasses that. Today I am not only mentally and physically exhausted. Today my legs actually ache. Today I have a battle scar in the form of a healing blister on my left heel.

This is a result of my family’s Disney World “vacation” this week. This “vacation” required constant powerwalking and occasional jogging in sweltering hot weather.

We walk at these ridiculous paces to keep up with my dad. My dad always walks with urgency. Even when he walks around our house, he will tailgate you if you are moving slowly in front of him.

To make matters worse this week, he loves Disney World. So the whole family had to move in fast-forward to keep up with him. At times we tried to tell him to slow down, but this often was to no avail, as we spent most of the week scrambling far behind him. We really barely even saw him. We only saw glimpses of his head bobbing above the crowd in the distance.

We walked behind him in a line all week. Mom and Tyler consistently held up the caboose, with Tyler sneaking off to buy ice cream every 20 minutes. I fell somewhere in the middle, occasionally having to walk with a fierce limp because of my blister. Kenzie and Andrew also fell in the middle. Andrew constantly checked his Disney app for wait times, and Kenzie occasionally demanded that we all slow down and smell the roses, if you will.

Trevor could be found in the middle as well, or in the hotel room taking a nap.

In many ways, Trevor is a mini version of Dad, but this week he set himself apart. He did not want to come to Disney World with us at first. He said the crowds would be miserable, and he would rather not disrupt his daily routine of sitting at our kitchen table at home and eating Taco Bell.

We managed to drag him along, but beyond that he refused to concede to us on a number of hot topics. For example, on Thursday, a 90-degree day of suffocating sunshine, Trevor insisted, against our protests, on wearing his jacket.

We spent Thursday at Universal Studios. The morning was a cool and cloudy 80 degrees. For a while, Trevor’s jacket did not strike us as unusual. By late morning, however, the sun was in full force, and we were all in maximum sweat mode. This is when Mom noticed, with horror, that Trevor still had his jacket on.

Mom: Trevor, why are you wearing your jacket?! Take that off.

Trevor, with sweat glistening on his forehead: I’m fine. I’ll take it off if I’m hot.

Soon after Mom’s attempt, we harassed Trevor again.

Kenzie: Trevor, you look ridiculous. Take off your jacket.

Trevor: I’m fine!!!

We decided that Trevor wanted to leave the jacket on because it had pockets, and he wanted to keep his phone on him in his pocket at all times.

Sam: Trevor, Dad can hold your phone. You’re not going to get lost.

Trevor, nearly melting with sweat: I’ll take it off if I’m hot!!!

We reminded Trevor that he is 18 years old, and if he were to be separated from us without a phone, he could fend for himself and find us, by borrowing a phone, asking an employee for help, etc. Trevor’s response to this was, ‘I’m fine!!!!’

We reminded Trevor that we once lost Tyler in Animal Kingdom when he was younger and phoneless, and he managed to find us again pretty quickly. Soon after we realized he was gone, Dad got a call on his phone from a NY number. He answered and heard a mopey Tyler ask where we were. Tyler said he was at the dinosaur, which wasn’t very helpful because there are a number of dinosaurs in Animal Kingdom. Nevertheless, Tyler persevered and we found him. Obviously, an 18-year-old Trevor could manage to do the same.

But Trevor continued to wear his jacket and resist a lot more badgering from his family. Eventually though, Trevor ditched the jacket – probably because he needed to let his sweaty shirt air out – and he then carried it around with him for the rest of the day.