In deep water

GUESS WHAT I’M FAMOUS!!! A magazine published my feedback! It’s the British version of Brides! Go buy it! Page 24!

I bought two copies yesterday evening and the ladies working at Barnes and Noble congratulated me … on being engaged, I suppose. I told them I am not yet engaged and I actually just like weddings. I also explained that my feedback had been published in the magazine and asked if they wanted autographs.

Upon hearing this, one of the ladies practically screamed: GIRL YOU GOTTA GO BUY LIKE 10 COPIES!!

I KNOW! IT’S THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!

Speaking of weddings, Andrew’s brother got married over the weekend. The wedding featured hay bales, horses, bees, a barn and a general consensus that Sam and Andrew are next in line to be married. I told those who asked to calm down; Andrew and I will get married in three years, unless before then Andrew miraculously decides to start reading my blog and breaks up with me for this post, among others.

The wedding was in Georgia, and to get there, I made the mistake of flying U.S. Airways. When I arrived at the airport, I first stood in a very long security line. Luckily, I was behind two funny gentlemen on whom I could eavesdrop.

As we neared the security scanners, the line forked and you could choose one of two lines. These two men decided to pick different lines and race. As the lines crawled along, they bantered back and forth with each other.

Man 1: It’s too bad I put a giant water bottle in your bag.

Man 2: Well, I put my three extra laptops in your luggage, so good luck with that.

This provided nice comic relief in the midst of this bucket of hell that was the majority of my airport experience.

After security, I found my gate and looked for a seat. I had no luck, however, because U.S. Airways thinks it’s a good idea for ten flights in a row to share one gate. This means people are nearly gridlocked in this small space and just standing around holding heavy luggage and growing grumpier by the minute.

As you hover around, you listen for your flight to be called over the loudspeaker. When a flight is called, people bump into each other as they move to the escalators. These take you downstairs, where you wait in another line. After this, you would think it’s time to get on your plane, but it’s not. It’s time for you to ride a small, hot crowded bus across the airplane parking lot.

People cram onto this bus, where there is not enough room for everyone’s luggage in the luggage racks. So some luggage ends up just sliding around in the aisle and falling over as we ride. The suitcases also receive free water on the way, leaking from the roof of the bus. Considering the bright, sunny day outside, this steady flow of water from the top of the bus confused me.

By the time I am on the plane, I am determined to never fly U.S. Airways again, and I am desperately missing the smart, friendly way that Southwest treats their passengers. I even Tweeted at U.S. Airways to tell them how disappointed I was with their chaotic boarding style. Unfortunately, they were too busy responding to loads of other angry customers so they never got around to answering mine.

When the plane landed in Chattanooga, passengers exited the plane and were surprised to find themselves standing in the middle of the airplane parking lot. I want to reiterate that – we were in the airplane parking lot, where the gigantic airplanes drive around and take off and stuff.

Many seemed confused like me, and I creepily took pictures of them while we stood around. I also laughed to myself like a weirdo.

(I think homegirl may have caught me snapping this shot, now that I look at it.)

Andrew soon happily greeted me inside the airport and I grumpily told him I was hungry. We drove to the property – where the wedding was and where the bridal party stayed – and we soon feasted at the rehearsal dinner. Then we taught the bridal party how to play Salad Bowl.

At the lovely wedding the next day, the groom cried uncontrollably and caused all of the bridesmaids and most of the groomsmen to completely lose it as well. As I stared at them from the audience, I didn’t know whether to cry with them or laugh at them. I ended up crying.