Jackie and I ordered two pizzas last Friday night, planning to save our leftovers for Sunday dinner. (The convent doesn’t serve Sunday dinner.) We ate a few slices and then put the rest in one of the four community refrigerators at our house. As the time drew nearer, we decided to reserve the TV and watch a movie while we dined. How nice it would be to stay in and relax, rather than venture out to find dinner like we usually do on Sunday evening.
Oh, how naïve we were.
Jackie and I bounded downstairs to the TV room; I grabbed the pizza box, and Jackie put in the movie. When I opened the box, I was horrified to see that my pizza was gone.
Hesitantly, I asked Jackie if she ate the rest of the pizza. She had mentioned eating a slice earlier, and I told her to go for it. For a second, I thought maybe she had misinterpreted my encouragement, thinking I meant, “Go eat all of our pizza.”
“No, I didn’t eat any out of that box,” she said, just as shocked as I was.
Then, our shock quickly turned to anger.
Jackie: Somebody ate our pizza! Who the hell does that?
Sam: I’m never using these refrigerators again!
Jackie: I’m going to complain! This is crap!
Jackie begins marching out of the room and upstairs to the front desk, mumbling in anger.
Sam: Jackie, I’m mad, too, but it’s not really the convent’s fault…
Jackie: They need to put cameras down there!!!
We arrive at the front desk, and Jackie calmly tells the girl at the desk that our pizza was stolen and the house should install a security camera downstairs.
Front desk girl: We actually used to have a camera down there, but it’s hard to tell when you’re watching the camera whether people are grabbing their own food or someone else’s.
Jackie: But it might make people think twice.
Front desk girl: Yeah, I mean, we may try it again, but until then, there’s not much we can do. Thanks for telling us though.
Jackie: I mean, I just don’t understand who does that. It’s stealing. It’s wrong.
Front desk girl: I know, it is. I can’t understand it either, but it does seem to happen a lot.
Jackie and I then go gear up in coats and scarves and head out to find food. As we walk, we plot ways to catch the thief.
We also speculate whom the thief may be. It doesn’t take us long to agree on the same girl. We don’t know her name, so we refer to her as “that mean girl.”
Let me tell you about her.
Jackie and I reserved the TV a few weekends ago for 10 p.m. We would have preferred to watch our movie earlier, but someone had it booked it until then, so we decided we would stay up late for the sake of When Harry Met Sally.
A little after 10, I head to the TV room. I find Jackie sitting in the stairwell outside the basement.
Jackie: They’re watching The Exorcist. I can’t be in there. They said it’s almost over – about 10 to 15 more minutes. … Really annoying. You should go in there and try to make them turn it off.
So, I walk in there and politely tell them it’s 10: 05, and we reserved the TV for 10. They tell me the same thing they told Jackie, and I agree to wait a few more minutes.
At 10:15, the movie still isn’t over.
Sam: Guys, it’s 10:15. We gave you a few more minutes.
Random girl, in an annoying, whiny voice: It’s almost over!
Sam: Can you just finish it tomorrow? We want to go ahead and start our movie, so we’re not up too late.
Mean girl, after a dramatic eye roll and sigh: Well, if you’re really going to be like that, I guess so.
Sam: Great. Thanks.
So, anyway, Jackie and I have concluded that if you don’t understand the concept of reserving the TV, you don’t understand the concept of respecting the fact that someone else has written their name on their food. That means to KEEP YOUR CHUBBY FINGERS OFF OF IT.
I considered writing a note for the fridge, expressing my anger. I’ve seen others doing this. There’s currently a note up from someone with a gluten allergy, real pissed that someone ate her gluten-free waffles.
I just don’t get it. Are these people just such gluttons that they can’t stop themselves from eating someone else’s food? You know, that’s fine. I just hope someday these food thieves are so fat they can’t move.
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