Happy birthday, Tyler and Trevor. This here blog post is your gift.
My brothers are 17 today. To celebrate, they spent their day watching Home Alone and Home Alone 3. Then tonight, the family went to Texas Road House. When I say family, I’m referring to the usual six of us, plus Virginia cousins Richie, Philip and Zac, and also Mom’s mom, Grandma Katie.
The good thing about Texas Road House is that you are provided an endless supply of peanuts to eat while waiting for your meal. For cousin Philip, an endless supply of any food is a really awesome thing.
On the way to our table, Philip and I passed a big bin – roughly three feet tall – full of peanuts. Philip stopped, looked inside the bin and then up at me, beaming with excitement over so many peanuts. After asking permission, he happily grabbed a handful of peanuts to take to the table.
Then, at the table, there was another bucket of peanuts waiting for us. Again, Philip was thrilled. From the moment we entered the restaurant until the moment the food came, Philip had a peanut in his hand.
He began referring to the peanuts as bunnies. Being the 7-year-old he is, he occasionally narrated the death of these bunnies for my entertainment (or his own entertainment, if I was preoccupied with normal adult conversation): “Oh, nooo. The bunny’s head fell off!!!!!”
Meanwhile, on my left side, Grandma Katie was cracking each of her peanuts by placing it on the table and then smashing her cup on top of it.
Across from me, the 17-year-old Trevor was expanding his vocabulary. When it came time to order, Trevor asked the waitress if he could replace his pickle spear with mashed potatoes.
Waitress: The pickle is more of a garnish.
Trevor: Oh… Well, why is it on the menu then?
After the waitress left, we all explained to Trevor what a pickle spear is. Kenzie did most of the explaining. She’d be the first to tell you that she’s the most brilliant and cultured of us all.
After Trevor’s lesson, Kenzie and Tyler argued over who the cutest Schott was as a baby. Trevor asked Philip for his opinion.
With a smirk on his face, Philip listed us as follows, from cutest to ugliest, if you will:
Tyler
Trevor
Kenzie
Sam
He was very pleased to list me last. He was also very pleased with my overdramatic reaction … until I said he couldn’t have ice cream and cake later. He giggled a bit and then became nervous that I was serious. He soon changed his mind and ordered us as follows:
Sam
Tyler
Trevor
Kenzie
“Now can I have ice cream?”
Trevor asked why he changed his mind, and Philip whispered to him. I asked to be let in on the secret, and looking guilty, Philip refused to tell me.
But then Grandma said I was a very beautiful baby, which I interpreted to mean I was the most beautiful Schott baby. Everyone around the table agreed (not really), and we finished our food and headed home for cake and ice cream, of which Philip ate plenty.
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